Dating women with children inconvenience
I have no desire to ostracize Paul, but if he starts dating someone new, I’ll want to warn her. Important: A) You don’t have to be “fair” when you choose your friends.Your opinion, your preferences, your subjective wants and needs are enough to say “I’d like to be friends with that person” or “I’m not interested in being friends with that person.” B) Your opinion and your decisions about who to associate with don’t have the same burden of proof as a court of law. But you can 100% kick him out of your social group and you can be honest about why.
When you know what men want, then you’ll naturally know what makes a man choose one girl to be his girl for the long term.My husband and I are appalled, and have actively distanced ourselves from Paul.It is inevitable though that our paths will continue to cross because we have many mutual friends.If people try to argue with you or challenge you to prove it (and nothing brings out the armchair experts on “fairness” and “burden of proof” and “we don’t know all the facts” apologists like a man accused of abusing a woman, so, be ready), remember this: You don’t have to prove your case, you only have to make your choice and stand by it. If Paul tries to argue his case, or find out exactly what you know (“” If you successfully disengage from Paul, it’s likely that when he starts dating someone new, you won’t know about it.But say you did know, and you did somehow meet or know his new girlfriend.They groom the people around them to accept their behavior, and they create a lot of friction and awkwardness for people who rebel against the manipulation. Of course you’d think twice about courting his ill-will! I want you to make it that easy for yourself, inside your heart and inside your brunching circle: Paul hurts women = You are done with Paul.
There are going to be differences from guy to guy, but I’m going to try and keep the discussion of “what men want” to the most universal items possible.
If this were easy or if we had a tried-and-true cultural script for how to do this you would have done it already. They prey on the social contract and on the instincts of good people to be reasonable and nice and fair and give their friends the benefit of the doubt.
They use that benefit of the doubt to create a zone of plausible deniability and confusion in which to operate. …what if losing all your friends is a reasonable, predictable consequence of beating up your romantic partners? What if we could support good people like you who are ready to draw a line in the sand and stop the way our culture coddles and supports misogynists?
You’d want to ask him things like, “Really, you’re going to a ::whoever the artist is:: concert? Do you like concerts in general, or is it just because you like that artist? Guys are kind of weird with emotions; we keep them contained for the majority of our life and interactions, but when a woman wants to explore what we’re excited by, what we love or what we’re passionate about, we can’t say enough!
Seriously, don’t be surprised if a normally calm and collected guy starts gushing about how much he loves that particular thing.
He will have told her some story about how unfair the world has been to him and how “Hey, you don’t know me, and you don’t want to hear this, but please hear me out for one minute. My husband and I were friends with Paul for a long time, and his relationships with women tend to end violently.